Report to the grave
by stilljustme
Summary: Post 1x22: After taking down the Blue Templars, Jamie visits Joe's grave. My first attempt at BB, so please give it a try.


_I just watched the first season and immediately fell for it – such a wonderful family! Love their dedication to job and family and all that… but I lack some information about the time before Joe's death, so I had to invent something. Sorry for the grammar and vocabulary mistakes, I know there still are hiding some._

_This is my first BlueBloods-ff so please tell me what you think of it._

"Hey, Joe." It was a faint whisper, soaring through the early morning air. It was still too dark to read the words on the gravestone, but Jamie knew the way. He went to the cemetery every Friday since…since the day. The day that turned his whole world around – Joe's dying day. As he knelt down in front of the grave, Jamie remembered the last time he had seen his big brother.

He had just come home from Harvard a week before, with his degree, his new title, his new fiancee. Grown up with two brothers herself, Sydney had easily made her way into the family.

_It was a perfect evening. Danny teased him for going all bureaucracy, but Erin seemed proud of her little brother. She knew of course what it meant to go through law school, and to graduate with summa cum laude. It got late on this last evening Jamie ever had with Joe. Jack, Sean and even Nicky had fallen asleep and now were put to bed upstairs by their grandpa. The other adults still sat in the living room, drinking wine and trying not to seem sleepy too. Danny had his arm around Linda's shoulders, kissing her hair every now and then. Erin looked at the couple and sighed, but quickly dropped her gaze when she realized Joe was watching her. The smile she pulled onto her face was forced as she then met her brother's glance. John and she had been fighting for two weeks by then. She wanted what Danny and Linda had – this deep, warm, supporting, understanding love, the knowledge of being loved and desired every moment. Or at least what Jamie and Sydney had – the prickling of a new love, of first times and happiness. _

_Jamie hadn't seen the sadness on his sister's face, but he saw the sorrow on Joe's, and as he followed the elder's glance he found Erin smiling, her composure regained by the warmth of her family around her. As Jamie's eyes wandered between the two of them in irritation, not sure which feeling to trust, both of them began to laugh. The noise caused Danny to look up, just in time to see Henry opening his eyes. "Grandpa, did the little ones wake you up?" "Hey!", Erin protested, throwing a cushion at her brother. It hit Linda straight in the face, which of course made Danny pay back the attack, and his pitch was much stronger than Erin's had been. Before long, Joe stepped in to defend his little sister, and Jamie joined Danny's side while Linda, Sydney and Henry started betting the winner team: "Team Danny", Linda said with the absolute certainness of love and Sydney but her lip, knowing she was tested on loyalty right now. "Team…Danny?", she said, and Danny laughed. "Guys, you're lost! Drop the weapons and put your hands in the air where I can see them!" "You sure, little brother?" Cushions, vests and finally the TV remote flew through the air. It was a hard fight, especially because the fighting parties sometimes doubled over with laughing and then got hit. Seeing their men's side lose, Sydney and Linda eventually joined the battle. When the first cushion tore apart in full flight and covered Danny with feathers, Frank came down, shaking his head in disbelief. "And I thought I just spent all my energy in bringing the kids to bed"; he grumbled, but couldn't hide a smile. It had been a long time since his children had been around together, filling the house with vitality and joy it lacked since Mary had died. Three years by now she was gone, and though the family had been warned – breast cancer, diagnosed too late to operate, but giving her five months to say goodbye – it still hit Frank every morning when he woke up how cold the bed was. Thirty-nine years were a long time. _

_Again it was Joe who reacted first. He dropped the cushion he was holding and went over to his father, saying nothing but taking his hand, extending the other for Erin to grasp, which she did. Henry took her hand, Danny his and Linda's, and Jamie took her hand, nodding encouragingly at Sydney. The circle closed as the young lawyer took Frank's hand and they started to pray. For Mary. For Betty. For the family that remained._

"You know I got your car crushed", even now, Jamie lowered his head in shame. "I didn't mean to, really, I was trying to keep it in order, but…somehow Malevsky manipulated the brakes and…" He broke off as his eyes filled with tears. It wasn't the car. It was not even that the car crush almost had got _him_ killed. It was Malevsky.

"We got him", Jamie defended himself in front of the stone, "last night we got him, Joe. We got the whole lot. Twelve blue templars, including…including Sonny Malevsky." It almost felt like a sacrilege to speak out the name right at his brother's grave. Like in apology, Jamie bent forward to touch the cold stone. "I like being a cop", he whispered, as if it was a secret, "I really think that's what I'm meant to be. It feels good…helping people…doing the right things, making decisions you have to stand the consequences for…I see the reason in that now. You know when I started at Harvard, I felt there was something missing. Apart from you guys it was just…reading about justice is…I mean, I respect what Erin does, and she's great in her joy, we all know that, but… it's just not what I should do. I'm a cop, as Grandpa and Dad and Danny and…" Again, Jamie broke off, shivering from both the cold dawn and the tears he tried to fight back. "You should be here, Joe. All the time I worked on that templar thing I was looking for traces of you. I wanted to do it right, like you would have done it. I hoped I'd get it all settled so you all could be proud of me. And then Lydia died, and your car crushed, and my gun was gone and all hell broke loose and I… Dad's been through hell the past few days. He misses you, Joe, he tries to be strong but he misses you. As do we all." Tears won over composure, and Jamie buried his face in his hands. He hadn't cried for a long time, not even when Sydney had left him. "I thought you were with me"; he confessed. "Joe Conor Reagan" shone from the stone as the sun made its way through the cemetery. Another morning Joe would never see. Jamie took a deep breath as the first beams reached his face. "Finishing this job was like finishing… with you, somehow. It was like… I thought it would feel different once we knew what really happened. I thought that bringing to end what you started would help us, but…" His hands sank into his lap. "It didn't change"; he said almost matter-of-factly."You're still dead. I wanted to believe that the case could keep you alive in some way, but you're still dead. And Makevsky's dead too, so…there's nothing left. Nothing but us and the hole you left us with. I miss you, Joe." He stood up and took a step back to take a look at the other graves. "I love you, mom. And I miss you too, well…we all do. Grandma, Joe – we all miss you. And we love you, no matter where you are or…" He sighed and looked up into the clear sky. "I know. Carry on. I'm on it." Fresh tears filled Jamie's eyes as he stroke over the three stones, his hand resting on Joe's at last. "I'll take care of them. I swore an oath, didn't I? I'm on it. I'm gonna make you proud of me, Joe." Another sob, then Jamie turned around and left the cemetery without looking back.

"_Hey, Jamie!" He stopped and turned around as Joe jogged over to his little brother's car. "You can give me a ride home? My car's just a bit…say she's exhausted and needs her weekend and I'll have to patch her up tomorrow." Jamie laughed. "It's broken down again? Why don't you buy a new car for once? Dad has driven it for at least ten years, now you got it since five years…I'm sorry, officer, but cars don't live perpetually." "Oh thanks, Harvard", Joe shot back laughing. "But just so you know, Jamie, this car is still working. The engine's alive, and one day when you sit behind the steering wheel, you'll mark my words and be nice to her." "Oh really?" "Yeah, really. Sydney, wanna bet on it?" Joe sat down in the back rear. "Besides, Jamison, everything is more comfortable than your car!" "Yes!" Sydney nodded fiercely. "Shut up, both of you! It's my car and I like it." As Jamie pulled out the car, he felt Joe's hand on his shoulder. "If you ever get Dad's car, my car, you will take care of it, understood?" Jamie shot a glance through the mirror, pain in his eyes at the mere thought of Joe not driving the car anymore. "I don't want this car, Joe. Never." The elder one smiled and squeezed his little brother's shoulder. "I know, kid. I'm not planning on leaving it to you anytime soon." "Good. Then stop talking about it." "Jamie…" Soothingly, Sydney reached over to stroke her fiance's neck. "It's going to be okay." _

_Joe still smiled as he leaned back. "I'm glad he found you, Syd. Welcome to the family." He chuckled. "Harvard. Two Harvard lawyers. I'm proud of you, Jamie. We all are. I still think you'd be a great cop, too, but…well, you make your way. Carry on… and watch out, the truck, the truck!"_


End file.
